Final Countdown

Greetings from New York City!

I hope you all have been well—I know it’s been a while. Though I haven’t been filling up your inboxes, I apparently have filled some of your thoughts because the donation turnout this year has been amazing—we are up over $9,000! I am blown away and humbled by your support. What a special effort for a special cause. Those who have been meaning to donate can do so at the link below:

It would seem, then, that I haven’t been holding my side of the bargain (depending on how you feel about subpar blogging). Let’s just say I needed that Chipotle burrito to finally digest completely, or that I was preoccupied getting all of those pesky gorilla hairs off my head. (Kidding about the second one, I need to conserve all the hair I can at this point!)

Speaking of hair, my hamstring had me pulling my hair out these last few weeks. I was pretty worried about it, to be completely honest. But I am glad to say it is back to 100%, thanks mostly to the folks at Kinetic Chain and the ancient torture technique that is active release. My stubborn hammie was no match for these bad boys:


Since my last post, I had the wonderful opportunity to attend the wedding of my college teammate Matt Simpson and his beautiful wife Jenny Reese…


…and feel small among these fine young men.

Wedding Bros

I also spent a day working in the Greenhill office in sunny San Francisco…


…where the SF team showed their support…


…and I got plenty of training in on those ridiculous hills.

SF Hill

Most recently, my roommates and I moved into a new townhome. As you can see, we are still paying homage to our favorite NFL washout-turned investment banker 🙂


Fully moved in and hamstring healed, this week was all about giving my body some much-needed TLC. Thanks to the folks at Cryo USA, I got to experience the magic of cryotherapy.

Full disclosure: I wanted to get a picture of myself in the machine, but I didn't want to be that guy since it was my first visit

Full disclosure: I wanted to get a picture of myself in the machine, but I didn’t want to be that guy since it was my first visit.

So we are finally here, the weekend of the competition. I am going to enjoy the City and the company of some friends for a couple days. Come Sunday, it’s go time. Here is the donation link one last time for the brave souls who have made it this far:

Thanks as always for reading,



Hey everyone,

Before we get started, I wanted to send a huge THANK YOU to everyone who has supported me thus far. Every year I compete in this event, I am blown away by the quality of the people in my life. Y’all are inspiring, and really keep me going. Thanks for being awesome.

We are now less than a month from competition day, so training (and fundraising) is really heating up. The training is both exhausting and repetitive. When I’m dragging or in need of some motivation, I like to think of the advice of a couple of my past strength coaches:

Coach Jackson, Plano East Senior High School, circa 2005

2. “Coach, what should I eat to gain weight?
–Bananas. Have you ever seen a small gorilla??”

Coach Fitzgerald AKA Fit Dawg, Harvard University, circa 2007

If these two meathead philosophers (I say that with deference—I can only hope to one day be referred to in such a way) give gorillas so much credit, they must be doing something right. So I decided to mix it up with some gorilla training. Just call me the Goal-rilla.

(Big thanks to Eric Rosenstock and CrossFit Deep for allowing me to monkey around in their gym)

As you can see, I have officially entered the “I will wear pretty much any costume and risk bodily injury in order to raise another $5,000” phase of my fundraising. I am, quite literally, your monkey. This is how I feel right now:

You could make me feel much better by donating to pediatric cancer research at the link below:

Thanks again for your support, and for your time. Have a safe and happy Memorial Day.



The Chipotle Challenge

Welcome to the 2015 edition of the Banker Games! Greetings from Dallas, you are looking great as always. I’ve missed you.

Before we begin, happy belated Star Wars Day (and God Bless America)!


Some things haven’t changed since we last spoke. I still get little-to-no respect at work

Illustrations are the work of the talented Tim Light

Illustrations are the work of the talented Tim Light

and I am still a meathead, albeit with a little less hair (not talking about a haircut—think recession).

But some things have changed. I actually ran a complete mile the other day! Sure, it was a beer mile, but it counts. (Note: for the unfamiliar, that consists of drinking a beer every 400 meters)

Did you really think I had retired the dinosaur suit??

Did you really think I had retired the dinosaur suit??

Anyway, my training is going very well. I had a pretty severe groin pull back in January (playing pickup basketball against some high schoolers lol), but I am back to 100%. I have been training at a Crossfit gym (shout out to Crossfit Deep), which has been great. Below are some of my recent highlights:

My training philosophy as the Decathlon approaches this year is to be comfortable, being uncomfortable. To prove it, I ate a full-size Chipotle burrito as fast as possible. In the spirit of charity betting, I want you to guess how long it took me to suffer through this. Here are the contents of the burrito in all their delicious glory (ps – they look at you funny when you ask to take a picture of your open-faced burrito).


I went with chicken, white rice, black beans, mild and medium salsas, and sour cream (for viscosity reasons). Now that you have made your estimate, enjoy. [DISCLAIMER: only do this if you want to be uncomfortable for the next few hours. It hurts. And please have a spotter]:

So here’s the deal. If my 2:00 performance exceeded your expectations, you have to donate to the cause. Don’t lie to yourself, you know, unless you are comfortable with having on your conscience that you lied instead of donating money to children with pediatric cancer. Your call.

You should also donate because I spared you from hearing the mastication (I spell checked that seven times) noises in the raw (not the best adjective) footage. And because the link is right here!

Thanks as always for reading, and for your continued support. May the Fourth be with you, and Happy Cinco de Mayo.


The Event 2014

Hey everyone,

I hope you had a safe Fourth of July. I want to start by thanking you for your support and encouragement this year. Together, we raised nearly $10,000 for pediatric cancer research. That is so awesome. Thank you.


As most of you are probably aware, the event took place on June 22nd. I performed very well and placed 3rd overall out of over 120 competitors. I successfully defended my title as “Wall Street’s Fastest Man” and also won the Vertical Jump competition. I like the sound of “Fastest and Most Explosive Man on Wall Street.”

I will offer detail on every event below. But first–in the spirit of Independence Day and red-blooded American competition, please rise and remove your hats for the playing of our National Anthem…

For those who are confused, that was a large man exerting ENTIRELY TOO MUCH energy to play the oboe ( For those wondering, yes, I am available for performances (maybe even in a Godzilla suit). For those judging…I have no rebuttal.

For some reason, I didn’t get the call for event day. So instead we heard a beautiful rendition from American Idol finalist Karen Rodriguez. That then brought us to an old friend, the 400 Meter Dash.

Event 1: 400 Meter Dash (53.64 seconds)

A quick bit of history: Last year I ran what my brother termed “The Most Impressive / Embarrassing Race Ever.” I came out of the gates (way too) fast and built a sizeable lead (impressive), only to seemingly get hit by a tranquilizer dart and proceed to fall in painstakingly slow motion (EMBARRASSING). I lost my lead and staggered across the finish near the back of the pack. For the last 11 months, I’ve had to endure nicknames like “The 350 Meter Man.” Let’s just say I was incented to stay on my feet.


If that look doesn’t just scream confidence, I don’t know what does. However, I had a few of things working in my favor:

1. We ran in lanes, so I had an actual idea how fast I was running
2. Jason Price ran a 49.3(!), so I didn’t have to worry about winning
3. I actually had a race plan!

Headed down the back stretch, it didn’t feel like I had cement blocks tied to my feet:


But, to clarify, it was still painful:




JK! I didn’t fall during the race, but even Tim Howard couldn’t save me after I leaned at the finish line.


Sometimes you just have to give the people what they want.

Event 2: Football Throw (56 Yards)


I’m no physicist, but I honestly have no idea how the ball above traveled 56 yards. I’m obviously no quarterback, either. So I was pretty happy with this.

Event 3: Pull-ups (20 Reps)


Pardon me, 20 pull-ups and 4 chins.

Event 4: 40 Yard Dash (4.40 seconds – “Wall Street’s Fastest Man”)

I’ve had a lot of people ask me how I can keep up my speed while sitting in a desk chair every day. And the answer, my friends, is visualization…

The start is all about explosion.
_Explosion 40
Any Hollywood folks out there–have your people get in touch with my people.

Imagine you’re being pursued by something that absolutely terrifies you.
_Jafar Snake 40
Editor’s note: I have an irrational fear of Jafar from Aladdin.

_TRex 40
When a T-Rex is chasing you, DO. NOT. BREATH.

_Stampede 40
RIP Mufasa. It still may be too soon.

Let your “magic legs” take over.
_Forrest 40
And run for Jenny, obvi.

Run through the finish line. DO NOT LOOK BACK.
_Police 40

All joking aside, the 40 is all about technique. 🙂

Event 5: Dips (41 Reps)


This was an improvement over last year. I’ll take it.

Event 6: 500 Meter Row (1:24.90 seconds)

Ask anyone that competed–this was the hardest event. A great result for me, as I shaved 4 seconds off last year’s time. Pure pain.



“Faces of Anguish” 2014 Wall Calendar, coming soon.

Event 7: Vertical Jump (38 inches – Event Winner)

Playing the “be as short as possible” game

No caption necessary, aside from…

MIB Face

Event 8: 20 Yard Shuttle (4.21 seconds)

Getting all of the line

UPDATE: Through 8 events, I am in 1st Place.

_Pizza Rolls

Event 9: Bench Press (26 Reps)

Obama Not Impressed

I am no longer in 1st place. This is a poor result.

Event 10: 800 Meter Run (2:30.97)

I wasn’t able to pull out the victory, but I did finish strong. I also made sure order was maintained in the Ivy League football hierarchy.

Passing Yale football alum Tom McCarthy

Passing Penn football alum Jared Sholly

And now is the part where I mention that both men were former defensive linemen…


And with that, I have finished my second RBC Decathlon. My experience this year was extremely fulfilling, and I fully intend to compete again.

It has also come to my attention that people actually enjoy these posts. And that makes me smile. So thank you–for putting up with me, but mostly for all your support. I will miss writing these posts, but mostly because I will miss interacting with all of you. Please stay in touch, and please keep reminding me how fortunate I am to know each and every one of you.

My very best,

Office Calisthenics

Hey everyone,

Sorry that I haven’t posted in a while, but work has been a little hectic lately. Last week was what I call a Mondaytuesdaywednesdaythursdayfriday week–the days of the week are replaced by endless periods of work with some glorified naps mixed in. And caffeine. And, if you’re crazy like me, workouts. In summary, my body felt something like this by the end of the week…

Disappointed Face

The competition is only 6 short days away, so last week was a big training week. For those times when I couldn’t make it to the gym, I had to get a little creative. Luckily, there are plenty of things to do when stuck in the office…

Editor’s note: No pants were harmed in the making of this video. Miraculously.

Despite all that time in the office, I did in fact get some fresh air, if you mustache:

My name is Collin and I am bad at Snapchat.

All my heavy training is in the books. Now it is time to taper and get some rest before I head up to New York on Thursday (and get a haircut–see above). Since I am physically incapable of sitting at a desk all day and not doing something active, I will partake in some low-impact athletic activities, like rollerblading:

Who needs a helmet when you have a bowl cut?

For those planning to donate (talking to you, “soft verbals”), time is running out. I completely understand the procrastination, but would hate for you to miss out on the opportunity to help fund pediatric cancer research. That would be a pretty heavy thing to have on your conscience…



First Person

Welcome back! I want to start by wishing a very happy birthday to my younger brother Justin, who turns 24 today. Enjoy your Jack Bauer Year, I hope it’s the bee’s knees…

JZ Bee

For all you ladies out there, Justin is 1) single and 2) about to receive his white coat from Duke Physical Therapy school. He also does a truly cringe-worthy Nay Nay…

JZ Naynay
Be glad this isn’t a video…

Now, I’ve had a bunch of people ask me what type of workouts I have been doing to train for the competition. I figured the best way to answer would be to give you a true first-person look. So here it goes.

On the morning of Tuesday May 27th, I took my preworkout and was like…

Video credit to Travis ‘Bones’ Baker

When I got to the gym, I put on my GoPro head contraption thingy and was like…


Here is the workout, followed by a first-person video:

Start Circuit [2 sets]
Ground Start + Push-up Start + One-Legged Start + 40 Start (all 10 yards)
w/ Med Ball Slams (10 reps)

Lower Body Explosiveness [10 sets]
Deadlift at 315 lb. x2
w/ Box Jump (36” Box) x5
REST 0:30 btwn sets

Shoulder Circuit [3 sets]
Handstand Push-ups x15
w/ Battle Ropes (0:30 continuous)

‘Dirty Thirty’ [2 sets]
Sled push at 225 lbs (30 yards)
Sled backward drag at 225 lbs (30 yards)

‘400 The Hard Way’ [2 sets]
200m rowing machine + 200m sprint

Thanks as always for your interest and continued support. I am over $4,000 in donations, which is awesome! There is still plenty of time to donate, and plenty of “soft verbals” out there (you know who you are). The link to donate is below:

Take Care,

Godzilla Training

Hello everyone! I wanted to start off by thanking those that have donated so far. I have raised almost $3,000 to date, which is awesome! The event is exactly one month away, so there is still plenty of time for you to make donations. Here is the link for those that are feeling ambitious:

By this point, most of you have probably seen or heard about the new Godzilla movie. I personally haven’t seen the movie, but it got me thinking–Godzilla must work out sooo much! He just keeps coming back after being defeated / thwarted / contained. Dude is on his 28th (shout out to Wikipedia) movie! He is looking as jacked and intimidating as ever, and has terrifying efficiency when it comes to destroying things:

So in honor of the new Godzilla movie, I decided to do a “Godzilla Workout.” The only real criteria here was that I couldn’t lift any weights–Godzilla would never lift weights becuase they don’t make dumbbells that big. That’s just science. Enjoy…

You know what they say, “Train like no one is watching…but then, of course, video tape it.”

Special thanks to Drake (@champagnepapi) for the background music. I had to use the clean version because he just gets so worked up when he thinks about cancer! And who can blame him? At the end of the day, all of this training and subpar blogging is really about funding research to help treat pediatric cancer.

Even Godzilla can get behind that. I’m just hoping he doesn’t destroy New York City before June 22nd–I’m planning on doing that myself.

Here is the link once again for those who want to donate:

Thanks as always for your support,