Now that I have your attention, welcome to the 2014 edition of the Banker Games! As you can tell, I try to take myself extremely seriously.
Looking back, my training for the 2013 Decathlon was one part Lloyd Christmas, one part Happy Gilmore. I chose to focus mostly on my strengths, ignoring my weaker events (dumb). At the same time, I was not treating my body very well but demanding very much of it (dumber). Almost immediately after the 2013 competition, I was back to my old, destructive ways:
But with 2014, the sun rose on some new training philosophies.
I’ve been doing things with a little more creativity in 2014. First off, I have been doing some cross-training in the pool. Swimming with the Dallas Aquatic Masters has been…humbling. Never have I felt so emasculated by a group of 60+ year old women. I would describe my skill level as somewhere between “happy to be there” and “trying not to drown.”
By the end of these swim workouts, I feel like my tongue is literally dragging the ground. It is truly exhausting.
I have also picked up soccer, which has been a great athletic challenge. At the very least, my exploits on the pitch have been entertaining for all others involved. If they kept advanced statistics, I’m fairly certain that I would have led the league in 1) illegal slide tackles and 2) tripping over the ball. Put in other terms, if soccer were a Goldeneye multiplayer game, my awards would be “Most Dishonorable” and “Most Harmless.” #trophies. I would like to say that I’m “like a bull in a China shop”, but that is far too generous. Think more like Happy Gilmore at hockey tryouts. Better yet, think of an NBA player in Space Jam after the Monstar takes his basketball skills, but with the aggression and athleticism of said Monstar. That is literally the perfect analogy…
Getting creative also means doing some non-traditional workouts. On our family vacation a few weeks ago, my brothers and I got in some great explosiveness work with only a medicine ball at our disposal.
We threw that thing forward…
And just plain awkwardly…
We also jumped around like idiots.
Now, just because I’ve gotten a little more creative, doesn’t mean that I’ve gotten away from my training roots. I still fill the quota for “guy that drops super heavy weights all the time and uses the squat rack for over an hour, but no one will confront because he nods his head like he’s listening to music, but is most definitely not listening to music” at the gym. I still sprint, jump, and lift heavy, because that’s what I enjoy doing.
Speaking of things that I still do, I am still happily employed at Cogent Partners and a card-carrying member of the esteemed “Deal Team 6.”
We are really into solidarity…
To answer your question, we do not valet cars in our spare time. We do, however, love to support pediatric cancer research. This isn’t my first rodeo, so I know it’s hard to compel you to actually donate. But, if you have made it this far…you’re telling me there’s a chance!
Aaand we’ve come full circle. Please follow the link below if you wish to donate:
Thank you for your support,
Collin / Lloyd / Happy / Ed from Lion King / Red Monstar