Dumb & Dumber


Now that I have your attention, welcome to the 2014 edition of the Banker Games! As you can tell, I try to take myself extremely seriously.

Looking back, my training for the 2013 Decathlon was one part Lloyd Christmas, one part Happy Gilmore. I chose to focus mostly on my strengths, ignoring my weaker events (dumb). At the same time, I was not treating my body very well but demanding very much of it (dumber). Almost immediately after the 2013 competition, I was back to my old, destructive ways:

But with 2014, the sun rose on some new training philosophies.

Sunset selfie

I’ve been doing things with a little more creativity in 2014. First off, I have been doing some cross-training in the pool. Swimming with the Dallas Aquatic Masters has been…humbling. Never have I felt so emasculated by a group of 60+ year old women. I would describe my skill level as somewhere between “happy to be there” and “trying not to drown.”

Look good, Feel good, Swim good.
Swimming Noob 1

By the end of these swim workouts, I feel like my tongue is literally dragging the ground. It is truly exhausting.


I have also picked up soccer, which has been a great athletic challenge. At the very least, my exploits on the pitch have been entertaining for all others involved. If they kept advanced statistics, I’m fairly certain that I would have led the league in 1) illegal slide tackles and 2) tripping over the ball. Put in other terms, if soccer were a Goldeneye multiplayer game, my awards would be “Most Dishonorable” and “Most Harmless.” #trophies. I would like to say that I’m “like a bull in a China shop”, but that is far too generous. Think more like Happy Gilmore at hockey tryouts. Better yet, think of an NBA player in Space Jam after the Monstar takes his basketball skills, but with the aggression and athleticism of said Monstar. That is literally the perfect analogy…


Getting creative also means doing some non-traditional workouts. On our family vacation a few weeks ago, my brothers and I got in some great explosiveness work with only a medicine ball at our disposal.

We threw that thing forward…

MB kneeling 1


MB toss 2

MB toss 3

And just plain awkwardly…

MB start RZ 2

We also jumped around like idiots.

Broad 3

Broad RZ

Now, just because I’ve gotten a little more creative, doesn’t mean that I’ve gotten away from my training roots. I still fill the quota for “guy that drops super heavy weights all the time and uses the squat rack for over an hour, but no one will confront because he nods his head like he’s listening to music, but is most definitely not listening to music” at the gym. I still sprint, jump, and lift heavy, because that’s what I enjoy doing.

Heavy Sleds…

Heavy Deads…

Speaking of things that I still do, I am still happily employed at Cogent Partners and a card-carrying member of the esteemed “Deal Team 6.”

We are really into solidarity…


To answer your question, we do not valet cars in our spare time. We do, however, love to support pediatric cancer research. This isn’t my first rodeo, so I know it’s hard to compel you to actually donate. But, if you have made it this far…you’re telling me there’s a chance!

Aaand we’ve come full circle. Please follow the link below if you wish to donate:


Thank you for your support,

Collin / Lloyd / Happy / Ed from Lion King / Red Monstar


The Event

Before I go into detail about the event, I just wanted to show my thanks. If you are reading this right now, it means you either donated or have been keeping up with my progress–in either case, THANK YOU. The event was a great experience, in large part because of the people reading this right now. You are awesome.

So, let’s go back to July 28th. My entire family made the trip to watch me compete, which was very special, and I got to spend some quality time with some of my best friends from college. It was truly a great weekend.

NYC Decathlon 269
My personal cheering section (minus Mom, Dad, and Caitlin)

As for the event, I placed 3rd overall out of more than 100 competitors. Were it not for a stumble out of the gates (literally, discussed below), I very well might have won. That being said, I absolutely won the football combine (4.39 40, 4.03 shuttle, 39″ vertical). And we all know that’s all that matters 🙂

Below is an event-by-event breakdown. All pictures were taken by my Dad, unless otherwise noted.

Event 1: 400 meter dash

Going into the competition, I wanted to go with the shock and awe strategy in the first event. My goal was to break the event record of 51.08 seconds to let all the other competitors know I meant business. I got in a great warm-up and the legs were feeling good. Throw in some adrenaline and a healthy dosage of preworkout, and I was wired and ready to get after it.

NYC Decathlon 118

400 meters remaining
NYC Decathlon 050

Once I heard the gun I was shot out of a cannon. To borrow a phrase from ex-Cowboys Special Teams Coach Joe DeCamillis, I was “flat ass rollin'” (you know, minus the whole flat ass part haha). Note to self: do not wear tights like this in public ever again. EVER.

250 meters remaining
NYC Decathlon 054

Feeling great. At this point, I have about a 50 meter lead (according to my family). I probably ran the 1st 200 in 21-22 seconds (unsustainably fast–this will come into play later).

100 meters remaining
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The adrenaline / preworkout is wearing off. I now feel like the Toyota Tundra that towed the US space shuttle. My legs are borderline unresponsive.

50 meters remaining
NYC Decathlon 065

For all the kids out there, this is NOT what proper running form looks like. This IS, however, what happens when your upper torso starts to move faster than your lower body. After a few more steps of “swimming,” I am sprawled on the track (pardon my dad for not getting a shot, as he was probably in shock). After getting up, I come across the finish line in 57.7 seconds. In other words:


Event 2: Football Throw – 54 yards

I was expecting this to be my worst event. Happy with the performance, considering I was barely able to stand and breathe and stuff after the 400.

Event 3: Pull Ups – 18 reps

NYC Decathlon 094
Started off strong…

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Then things got a little harder. This has Tinder profile pic written all over it… (also note Outfit #2)

UPDATE: Through 3 events (and 2 outfits) I am in 28th place…


Event 4: 40 Yard Dash – 4.39 seconds (NEW EVENT RECORD) (“Fastest Man on Wall Street”)

Steps to running a fast 40:

NYC Decathlon 119
1. You can’t run a good 40 without a sweet warm-up. It’s science. (Also note outfit #3)

NYC Decathlon 121
2. Contort yourself into an extremely uncomfortable position

NYC Decathlon 123
3. Float a little bit

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4. Don’t forget to prance

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5. Pose for the camera at the finish line

That’s all there is to it 🙂

Event 5: Dips – 33 reps


Just terrible. Even my main ladies weren’t impressed:

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Event 6: 500m Row – 1:28

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So painful. Scratch my earlier Tinder pic comment, this is the one.

Event 7: Vertical Jump – 39 inches

This was a great result. (Photo Credit to Julia La Roche from BusinessInsider.com)

Event 8: Short Shuttle – 4.03 seconds

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This was a great result. (Outfit #4 unveiled)

Event 9: 175lb Bench Press – 33 reps

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Pretty solid work.

Event 10: 800 meter run – 2:30.64

Going into the last event, I knew that if I could beat the guy currently in 1st, I had a chance to win the event. So that was the goal. My second goal was to not fall…

NYC Decathlon 229
Finishing lap #1. I have the stride of either i) an 80 year old woman or ii) a competitive race-walker. Either one is not good.

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The back stretch. “Don’t fall, Don’t fall!”


After 5 hours of competition, I had finished my first RBC Decathlon. It was an extremely grueling, extremely rewarding experience. I plan on competing next year to improve upon my performance and bring home the gold. Once again, THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH for your support and encouragement throughout the process. I learned that I am fortunate enough to know some great people.

All the best,

Guest Blog – by Anonymous Meat Head


I’m sure you’ve all been panic-stricken, distraught and fearful that Collin may have became content with his training since he went MIA throughout the month of June… nay. I have proof he has indeed been in the gym perfecting his craft – stay tuned for creepy evidence.

Allow me to introduce myself. I am Anonymous MeatHead Blogger who happens to workout at the same facility as Super-Freak-Decathlete-Bankerguy-Zych. I really have no purpose in writing this other than to encourage you to fund his cause. Last I checked 3 minutes ago he was at 81% of his financial goal. For those of you that didn’t go to Harvard or work at a big-name financial services company, he only has 19% left (that’s $950). The competition is a mere 2 weeks away as of Sunday, so I would like to encourage you to skip the $14 Starbucks coffee tomorrow morning, pass on the $120 pair of Nikes you don’t need and sacrifice or match the $60 you’re going to blow at brunch on Sunday that you’re required to attend as a citizen of Dallas.

I’d like to shed some light on Collin’s training efforts. If you haven’t already checked the video of him running the 40, I encourage you to. Do it.
4.3 seconds. I don’t think my car is capable of making it 40 yards in 4.3 seconds… neither is your car, or you on a bicycle, moped, horse, segway. Your dog isn’t as fast as Collin.

I run into him about once or twice a week, so I’ve seen all that needs to be seen to know that he’s going to win this competition. Honestly, I don’t even know what it consists of, but I know he’s going to win. Like his brother, I too gave up on the intense, insane, painful, awful power lifts reserved for Texas High School football players in the summer and Olympic athletes. No appeal to me. His bench warm up is your max, and he hang-cleans, snatches, presses and shot puts your max squat weight.
Seriously, the guy is intense. I’ve seen multiple fellow meatheads attempting to jot down Collins workout, peeking at him out of the corner of their eye between sips of NOxplode. Its like they’re cheating on a test and don’t want him to know they’re doing it- but they are.

I attempted his May 7th evening workout, which he labeled as his “PM” workout, meaning he probably did 3 others throughout the morning and afternoon. My advice to you: Don’t do it. The workout involved a lot of sprints. I hadn’t sprinted in 3-4 years, very smart on my part I know… For the next 48 hours my main mode of transportation was via wheelchair. I’m almost certain I simultaneously pulled both hamstrings, my left calf, right groin and potentially spouted a few hernias. This was his 7th workout of the day, and he had no problem with it.

Don’t even look at May 8th workout. You will pull your back just reading. I had to look up what AFAP meant. (As Fast As Possible. I am not a good MeatHead)

As promised, here is the creepy evidence that he’s been getting after it:


One Leg Sqaut

I know what you’re wondering, is that guy on the right of the picture staring directly into the camera? I wonder if he caught anonymous meathead taking a creepy picture of Collin doing stupid weighted pull-ups?

The answers: Yes, guy on the right is staring directly at the camera, and yes, he did approach me and ask if I was taking pictures. Fear not, I claimed it was a snapchat selfie gone wrong. (Side note: Stop taking selfies)

You’re also probably wondering what Collin is doing on that red stool-looking thing. I honestly don’t know, but it’s impressive.

Collin’s 2 goals were to 1. Raise the most money and 2. Win the competition. He has #2 covered, easy. I don’t know what the financial race looks like- maybe he can update us on that. Regardless, we should reward his #hardwork, #sacrifice, #dedication, #time #drive #motivation #supplementation # swerve #competitiveness #attitude and #workinghard by helping him reach goal #1. If nothing else, do it for the fact that he’s lived out every kid’s dream: Walking on for the Cowboys, playing at Jerry world—He’s the real life Mark Wahlberg from that movie, only he played for a real team, not the Eagles.

Also. There’s this.


Reminder: All this is for a great cause. I hate cancer, you hate cancer, we all hate cancer. Let’s team up and get Collin to his goal.

Thanks for taking time to read.

Cancer Sucks,

-Anonymous MeatHead Blogger


The Lost Month

Friends and Family-

Hello again! Let me first apologize to all of my loyal fans out there (if any do indeed exist) for going MIA for the whole month of June. In my defense, I have been a little busy over the last 3 weeks. Here is a brief recap:

1. Moved out of my old Uptown apartment

What some may call a creepy sleeping arrangement for my last night in the old apartment

What some may call a creepy sleeping arrangement for my last night in the old apartment

2. Moved back in with my parents LIKE A BOSS

My super fabulous princess bed at the house in Plano

My super fabulous princess bed at the house in Plano

3. Moved into my new Uptown apartment

Work in progress.  The dual tv setup is going to make for some great fall Saturdays/Sundays

Work in progress. The dual tv setup is going to be A PROBLEM on football weekends

4. Took the GMAT

800 is pretty solid, right?

800 is pretty solid, right? 🙂

5. Worked 3 100+ hour weeks

May or may not have spent a few nights on this bad boy...

May or may not have spent a few nights on this bad boy…

All that being said, I have not let my workouts slip. Sleep and social life are another story completely (on a related note: if I have lost touch with you recently, let’s be friends again).

The Banker Games are now less than a month away. It’s crunch time, both for training and getting donations (link is at the bottom of the page). It’s also time to start mixing in work for the more auxiliary events like the football throw and the 5-10-5 short shuttle. I don’t have any sweet videos for you (see above), but below are some pictures of me getting in some work this past weekend.

Letting it fly.  This will (embarrassingly) be my worst event by far

Letting it fly. This will (embarrassingly) be my worst event by far

First turn of the 5-10-5.  Peep the vapors from 3 years ago

First turn of the 5-10-5. Peep the vapors from 3 years ago

-That Guy Who Thinks It’s OK to Bring His Dad to Take Pictures of Him Working Out


40 Yard Dash (for real this time)

Hey everyone. Before I get started, I just wanted to thank all of my family, friends, and co-workers for the support thus far. It has been awesome. The donations have been great, but the nonfinancial support has been just as inspirational. As of this morning, I was leading my age group (20-29) in donations, and y’all are the reason. Much love.


After my first 40 yard dash video, I have had a lot of people ask what I can really run these days (apparently the last video didn’t come across as too legit haha). So, after some slight Banker Games Support Staff personnel changes (Ryan Zych is out as Official Timer, but now is Guest Blogger Extraordinaire; Dallas Bush is now Official Timer) and the purchase of a 300 foot measuring tape, I ran another 40 yard dash this past weekend…

I ran 4 total, all in the 4.35 – 4.40 range, so that will be a good event for me in the competition. To all the HATERS out there, Dallas and I are way ahead of you. Below are your questions, followed by Dallas’ answers (Editor’s Note: Dallas Bush is ABOUT AS FAR AS ONE CAN GET from being a gang member):

1. Why does the video look so ratchet?

Dallas Scream

“See above for my reaction when the GoPro ran out of battery.”

2. How do I know you ran 40 yards?

Dallas Cholo

“That’s what the measuring tape is for. 40 yards = 120 feet, bro.”

3. How do I know the timing was legit?

Dallas Camo

“I know you heard the clicks of the stopwatch.”

4. Why should I trust you?


“Look at how inviting and trustworthy I look.”

5. Why do you look so happy?

Donation Screen

“I just went to https://www.thedecathlon.org/donate/search-for-competitor/?aname=zych&action=listcompetitors and made a donation to the cause.”

…See what I did there??

Thanks as always for reading.


Finding a Way

Hey everyone. A lot of people have asked me when I work out, and the answer is whenever I can. It all depends on my work schedule and how my body feels at any given time. During the week, I like to get 3 separate workouts in every 48 hours. When work gets busy (Editor’s Note: often), my schedule sometimes gets a little crazy. I thought I would do a photo blog of my work / workout schedule in the last 24+ hours to show you what I mean…

Tuesday May 7, 2013, 6:30 pm

It’s going to be a long night. Big deadline tomorrow at 8:30pm. I wasn’t able to drag myself to the gym this morning after working until the wee hours (hint, it starts with a 3). I decide to get out of the office for a little bit and do some conditioning on the track at SMU (about a 10 minute drive from the office).

Tuesday May 7, 2013, 7:00 pm


The SMU track (which is also the soccer stadium) is being used for a women’s soccer scrimmage. Title IX ftw. Looks like I will instead be running at the SMU Intramural fields.

Tuesday May 7, 2013, 7:05 pm

PM Workout

At the Intramural fields, straight flexin’

Tuesday May 7, 2013, 8:20 pm


Quick dinner at the office, courtesy of Dream Cafe. Healthier and more food than a Chipotle burrito bowl (I still love you, Chipotle). It comes highly recommended from this meathead. No excuse not to eat there if you live in Uptown Dallas.

Tuesday May 7, 2013, 8:40 pm


(Editor’s Note: this is not a model from work…I don’t want to get fired lol)

Wednesday May 8, 2013, 12:30 am


After a few hours of cranking, time for a quick nap to recharge my batteries on my “second bed.”

Wednesday May 8, 2013, 12:45 am


Back to my cube once again, where I have hung my NFL termination letter for motivation. #unsatisfactory

Wednesday May 8, 2013, 3:00 am


Leave the office for the night. Pretty easy to find my car in the garage.

Wednesday May 8, 2013, 3:30 am


Finally make it back to my real bed. Knock out.

Wednesday May 8, 2013, 5:25 am


Wake up. Take a selfie, just oozing sex appeal (lolz). Immediately regret taking a selfie.

Wednesday May 8, 2013, 5:42 am


Arrive at 24 Hour Fitness (AKA Where it Goes Down). Gather necessary supplies from the “mobile gym.” Today I grab my weighted sled.

Wednesday May 8, 2013, 5:50 am

AM Workout

At 24, straight flexin’
(Editor’s Note: “AFAP” means “as fast as possible”)

Wednesday May 8, 2013, 8:00 am


Arrive at Rosewood Court. Do some deep thinking in the shower. Initiate banker swag.

Wednesday May 8, 2013, 8:20 am


Back in the office. Time to lube some deals.

Wednesday May 8, 2013, 8:30 pm

Meet my deadline. Finally time to get my life together and write a blog post.

Thursday May 9, 2013, 12:07 am


Check my favorite website before calling it a night. You probably should, too.

Guest Blog — Why You Should Give My Brother Money — by Ryan Zych

Hello All,

Some of you may be asking yourself right now, “Who the heck is this guest
blogger, and what qualifies him to shamelessly solicit money from me?”
Undoubtedly that’s a valid question, and I won’t lie — Ryan Zych sounds
like a used car salesman name if I’ve ever heard one. But given that I
have shared a womb, middle name, and bedroom for 18+ years with the creator
of this blog, I feel I have earned the right to share my thoughts on
Collin’s quest to become the biggest banker meathead in all the land.

Let’s call a spade a spade — Unless your name is Bill Gates, Brad Pitt /
Angelina Jolie (what up girl), Bono, or the Red Cross, donating money to
charity probably isn’t at the top of your to-do list. Add in the fact
that this donation doesn’t yield Girl Scout Cookies, a sweet travel mug, or
at the very least super cute return to address stickers for letters and I
bet you’re wondering, “What’s in it for me if I choose to support Collin
Zych?”. As my brother addressed above, your donation will go towards
helping children with cancer – obviously a worthy cause. But what else?
Collin set this blog up in an attempt to reach the maximum amount of people
and also to provide an entertaining way for everyone to track his progress.
Although the blistering, two post per month pace he’s maintained thus far
is overwhelmingly impressive, I’ve let him know that in order for this to
really catch on he’s going to need to pick up the pace. So to jumpstart
this process I’ve agreed to step up and “help a brother out”. Without
further ado here is my first contribution: “Collin Zych: A Look Inside of
the Mind of Everyone’s Favorite Washed Up Dallas Cowboy Decathlete”

For those of you who weren’t around for Collin’s adolescent years, you may
look at him now and think he’s the perfect example of the All American boy.
He’s athletic, got good grades, graduated college, and now has a great job.
What you may not know, is that Collin T Zych has always been a rebel. Let
me give you some examples:

Example 1: While most children under 10 years old were perfectly content
with the meals provided to them by their parents and school cafeterias,
Collin longed for more. He continually sought that extra nutritional edge
that would give him a competitive advantage over the other kids in the
annual Field Day 40 yard dash. One day we all found out what he was doing
on the side to get that edge (and I really wish I was joking here) – Eating
Dog Food. I won’t lie to you, being the curious young Zych I was, I tried
it once too. It was terrible. Collin, however, was what a parole officer
would call “a repeat offender”. He secretly continued this absolutely
savage behavior until he finally realized a) dog food was disgusting or b)
my mom threatened to kill him.

Example 2: To illustrate his rebellious nature further, Collin continued to
use unconventional training techniques to gain an advantage over his
opponents in middle school. Instead of picking a normal or remotely manly
instrument to play, he went out on a limb and chose The Oboe – and for
those of you not familiar with band instruments… it’s a glorified clarinet…
which is a glorified flute. To Collin though, the THREE YEARS he chose to
play it weren’t just a laughable attempt to find his niche and fit in. Oh
no – they were a golden opportunity to work on his lung capacity and power.
(…or at least that’s what I’m hoping. I’m struggling to find any other
logical reason why he would have chosen a flute like instrument otherwise)

Example 3: So nowadays, it seems logical that Collin would once again be
using some unorthodox method to gain an advantage over his competition.
Don’t let the beach bench press video above fool you. Unlike the typical
24 year old male who avoids heavy squats, plyometrics, sleds, or olympic
platform lifts (a philosophy I have fully, and happily embraced), Collin is
still consistently doing workouts no investment banker / non-professional
athlete should be doing. To each their own I guess, let’s all just be
happy he’s gaining his edge in a non woodwind, acceptable for humans way
this time. Hopefully the nutritional and cardiovascular benefits he gained
as a younger Zych will mesh nicely with his current irresponsible workout
routines and lead to some success in these games (he better win after all
of this or I will ruthlessly make fun of him for the rest of his life)

All joking aside — this is for a great cause and Collin is taking this
very seriously. If we’ve learned anything as a country from the last few
weeks it’s that there are always less fortunate people who need our help
and support. Whether it’s through giving blood, a random act of kindness,
or supporting a guido banker, every little bit helps. Thanks to all who
have donated so far.