I’m sure you’ve all been panic-stricken, distraught and fearful that Collin may have became content with his training since he went MIA throughout the month of June… nay. I have proof he has indeed been in the gym perfecting his craft – stay tuned for creepy evidence.
Allow me to introduce myself. I am Anonymous MeatHead Blogger who happens to workout at the same facility as Super-Freak-Decathlete-Bankerguy-Zych. I really have no purpose in writing this other than to encourage you to fund his cause. Last I checked 3 minutes ago he was at 81% of his financial goal. For those of you that didn’t go to Harvard or work at a big-name financial services company, he only has 19% left (that’s $950). The competition is a mere 2 weeks away as of Sunday, so I would like to encourage you to skip the $14 Starbucks coffee tomorrow morning, pass on the $120 pair of Nikes you don’t need and sacrifice or match the $60 you’re going to blow at brunch on Sunday that you’re required to attend as a citizen of Dallas.
I’d like to shed some light on Collin’s training efforts. If you haven’t already checked the video of him running the 40, I encourage you to. Do it.
4.3 seconds. I don’t think my car is capable of making it 40 yards in 4.3 seconds… neither is your car, or you on a bicycle, moped, horse, segway. Your dog isn’t as fast as Collin.
I run into him about once or twice a week, so I’ve seen all that needs to be seen to know that he’s going to win this competition. Honestly, I don’t even know what it consists of, but I know he’s going to win. Like his brother, I too gave up on the intense, insane, painful, awful power lifts reserved for Texas High School football players in the summer and Olympic athletes. No appeal to me. His bench warm up is your max, and he hang-cleans, snatches, presses and shot puts your max squat weight.
Seriously, the guy is intense. I’ve seen multiple fellow meatheads attempting to jot down Collins workout, peeking at him out of the corner of their eye between sips of NOxplode. Its like they’re cheating on a test and don’t want him to know they’re doing it- but they are.
I attempted his May 7th evening workout, which he labeled as his “PM” workout, meaning he probably did 3 others throughout the morning and afternoon. My advice to you: Don’t do it. The workout involved a lot of sprints. I hadn’t sprinted in 3-4 years, very smart on my part I know… For the next 48 hours my main mode of transportation was via wheelchair. I’m almost certain I simultaneously pulled both hamstrings, my left calf, right groin and potentially spouted a few hernias. This was his 7th workout of the day, and he had no problem with it.
Don’t even look at May 8th workout. You will pull your back just reading. I had to look up what AFAP meant. (As Fast As Possible. I am not a good MeatHead)
As promised, here is the creepy evidence that he’s been getting after it:
I know what you’re wondering, is that guy on the right of the picture staring directly into the camera? I wonder if he caught anonymous meathead taking a creepy picture of Collin doing stupid weighted pull-ups?
The answers: Yes, guy on the right is staring directly at the camera, and yes, he did approach me and ask if I was taking pictures. Fear not, I claimed it was a snapchat selfie gone wrong. (Side note: Stop taking selfies)
You’re also probably wondering what Collin is doing on that red stool-looking thing. I honestly don’t know, but it’s impressive.
Collin’s 2 goals were to 1. Raise the most money and 2. Win the competition. He has #2 covered, easy. I don’t know what the financial race looks like- maybe he can update us on that. Regardless, we should reward his #hardwork, #sacrifice, #dedication, #time #drive #motivation #supplementation # swerve #competitiveness #attitude and #workinghard by helping him reach goal #1. If nothing else, do it for the fact that he’s lived out every kid’s dream: Walking on for the Cowboys, playing at Jerry world—He’s the real life Mark Wahlberg from that movie, only he played for a real team, not the Eagles.
Also. There’s this.
Reminder: All this is for a great cause. I hate cancer, you hate cancer, we all hate cancer. Let’s team up and get Collin to his goal.
Thanks for taking time to read.
-Anonymous MeatHead Blogger